Day 150
And the somberness of reflections.
I saw this tweet earlier today and it sat with me for many reasons.
Reason number 1.
I had plans to apply for a poetry competition sometime last month. My brother shared it with me and thought the theme aligns with what I’d love writing. It did, but I was also in the middle of interviewing for some career opportunities and poetry was no where close to my imagination.
Earlier this month, when I had a little breathing space, my brother reminded me again and I promised I’d start writing, I’d write a poem every two days so that I’d have the required number of poems before the deadline. At least, that’s what I told my brother.
My dear reader, I had no poem 48 hours to the deadline and as you can imagine, I will not be submitting for the competition.
Reason number 2.
While sorting my finances for Q1 as the personal finance coaches advised us to, I realised my expenses were carrying me to where I no know and it was humbling and for a lack of better word; didactic. I think money as a way of showing you different traits you have but don’t know you do.
For instance, I didn’t know I really loved the idea of my apartment scenting nicely until I realised how much of my earnings went into buying diffusers.
I literally have diffuser/air-freshener every where in my cubicle except the kitchen.
Have you seen how much those things cost?
Earlier this year, I asked my circle- the closest of them if they thought I was lazy; 75% of them said I wasn’t and 50% said I could do more or better in a more supportive environment, and that feedback spurred me to change some opportunities unashamedly, one of which I finally got after multiple efforts.
I think reflections ain’t as easy as they seems. Sometimes, you think about your life and all your habits stare at you in 3D. When they do, remember the problem isn’t the feeling of guilt or inadequacy you have in that moment that matters, it is what you do after those fleeting moments of somberness.
Congratulations on completing the fifth month of the year, and happy new month in advance to you.
As the habit is:
Things to read;
Dr Fikayo’s essay on one of my favourite topics.
Music to listen to:
Page One- Ella Bright. (yes, Off Campus’ Ella Bright)
Ifemi- Lodu
Movies to watch:
OFF CAMPUS.
NEMESIS
Yes, self-reflections are humbling. Gosh, they're one of the most difficult things any human can do to himself.
PS. Gutted that you didn't apply to the contest, but as someone who has missed out on at least eight applications this year because I didn't time or plan myself well, I know it's all good, and it happens to most of us.
PS. I commend the faith you have in me to know Ella Bright or the movie, Off Campus. I'll now check it out.
Congratulations to us for completing the 5th month for real! I avoid self reflection these days because it hurts to see my potential slip away and me just being, well, redundant but that tweet just served as a good reminder and I’m taking it into June.