How to make friends
If I add "and influence people" then I'd sound like Dale Carnegie
It’s the third time this week where I am in a conversation and the person (or people) I am conversing with says; I don’t like friends, I don’t have friends, I don’t have a lot of friends.
As someone whose life, being alive, wellness and living is literally sustained by his friends (after God of course, in fact, the reason why I am not an agnostic today is largely because of my friends), I am always surprised. Somewhere in my head, making friends is easy (keeping it is hard, and I have written a lot of articles about this), at least that’s what I think, but apparently, it isn’t .
I know making friends as an adult might be a task. When we were teenagers, you sat beside someone in class for a week and somehow they became part of your life. You shared snacks, inside jokes, secrets, and entire afternoons without effort. Friendship happened naturally because life itself created proximity.
With adulthood, it’s harder; you are somewhere in between deadlines, responsibilities, and trying to survive, and someone wants you to make friends?
Well, below are some of the practical ways to make friends.
Go where friendships can be easily made: One of the easiest ways to make friends is to stop treating friendship like a random event.Friendship grows around shared environments and repeated exposure.That is why some of the strongest friendships begin in:
professional communities
gyms and fitness classes
religious spaces
volunteering communities
creative circles
online communities
networking events
book clubs and hobby groups.
In these environments, they are probably people like you looking to connect with people too.Learn how to ask better questions:
People are tired of answering— have you eaten? What’s your favourite colour?One of the fastest ways to build connection is learning how to move beyond surface-level conversations.
Instead of only asking:
“What do you do?”
Ask:
“What are you currently excited about?”
“How did you get into this field?”
“What kind of work actually energizes you?”
“What has been the best part of your year so far?”
Good questions create good conversations. And good conversations often become emotional familiarity. That familiarity is sometimes the door that opens great friendships.
Stop waiting for people to approach you:
While conversing with a friend during the week, we realised we became friends during COVID cause I slid into her dm complimenting an outfit she was wearing. Another friend became a friend because she shared a post I wrote on medium on her timeline and reached out to me afterwards.
I know it is really hard, but sometimes, making the first move won’t kill you. Who knows, it might get you your first job, first book deal, or maybe even a life partner, or you might get aired. Either ways, make that approach.
Focusing on our friend, Focus. Become genuinely interested in people:
I have written in different posts about how the basic rules of networking is being an interesting person and being interested in other people. It is very true, for instance, you could go through your whatsapp contact and reach out to five people you think you might have something in common, and you’d see how exciting that could pan out.
You could do the same for twitter or IG (I do this once in a while and I have made great friends and acquaintances) out of this.Be the kind of friend you want to have
If you want thoughtful friends, become thoughtful.
If you want supportive friends, become supportive.
If you want honest friendships, become emotionally honest.Healthy friendships are usually mutual.
They are built by people willing to communicate clearly, apologize sincerely, celebrate generously, and show up consistently.
There are a lot more tips I can share but I hope you find this few very helpful, or do you want more? Then click here.
As the habit is:
Things to read:
My friend’s essay on Soulmates and the concept of Marriage; you’d love it if you are someone who struggles with the institution of marriage, wedding, and related discuss-or if you are a lover-boy or girl, or you are not.
Movies to watch:
Still watching Citadel.
The Boy Who Gave.
Call of my Life
Songs to listen to:
Click-clack Symphony- Raye ft Hans Zimmer.
In Jesus name: BNXN, Soweto Gospel Choir
Super Power- Limoblaze.
P:S- I have a new video on my channel. You’d love this if you are an outlier, or a mid-level to senior professional. I sit down with my friend, a Stanford GSB graduate and we discuss career progression, fulfillment and answered question around what does success look like as we evolve into Leadership Positions.
You will love watch it, click to watch now, and finish it during lunch tomorrow.
Don’t forget to share too.
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